*yest's blog*
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Just now I realised one horrible fact as I looked into my calender.
Jason and I will not be able to spend our 2nd(and only second) Valentine Day together,coz he will be in tekong!!!!
What the....>_Sigh..I am so gonna HATE 14th Feb once again!No flowers,no chocos,no DATE!!
To think I even have my ideal bouquet in mind.

I realised one thing today.
I MAY not have leave my current job,or leave so fast,if not for D.B.
By some miracle work,she is actually on MC today.Say...There is still hope in earth!
Although today got alot of pple coming in to "challenge" my payroll skills,but I think I managed to do quite ok.
And I even kinda enjoy accomplishing what that falls within my scope.Not that I cant or dun want to challenge tasks beyond my scope but it feels gr8 to be clear of what u r doing!
So damn D.B spoils it all.It is so stress free without her!
Why must she comes here!

I also realised that I have alot of things in mind for December.
I must really sit down and get my list to dos and gets in order.
While it feels cool to be a lil unorganized (or what I call spontaneous sometimes),having things fall just in the right places is good.

Of coz money is the essence here.Without it,I wont be able to do alot of things.So flexible part time jobs are still on the hunt,although I admit I havent really been doing it.Well..coz' I dun wanna work at the expense of my christmas,as if having to miss ur Valentine is not bad enough.

You know..sometimes I just wish that...Ok,I dunno if u call that greedy,but I just wish that Jason can do some lil things sometimes to surprise me a lil and spice our relationship.Not that it is on the down hill now,but I am afraid that it may head that direction soon.
I have seen my fair share of dimming passion in relationships and wouldnt want that to be the reason for myself.

I dun think I've really ask for much..=/?
I dun even have a specific way in mind on how or what he should do to surprise me.
All I ask for is just that lil occasional extra TLC,extra pampering..you know.Which gal doesnt wish to be treated like a princess?

Like the small efforts of making breakfast,getting some lil soft toys or maybe just some ways that dont even cost a thing but can makes u feel really special.

I am not trying to drop some hints or telling Jason here that,"hey..it's time for ur actions!"

But I thought this is my blog,I dun have to be afraid to voice out any thoughts coz I probably dont need any comments too.I am merely putting my thoughts in words so one day I can read them again.

Sigh...Jason is never the type that is shy to say those mushy words.But..lately...I dun think I ever remember really HEARING them,technically that is.

Yes...somethings are "more than words".But women being women,still need to be assure sometimes.
I guess it works for the same as guys,as in men love hearing fluttering praises to brush up their ego.

Suddenly..I dun really feel loved. =<
You may think that is an unfair statement...so sue my feelings!

Although I have a clearer view of what I am gonna do in the later days..but I cant just really sit back and do nothing in the mean while.
I need to be doing something,somehow,somewhere.
Although yes...I think my mind badly needs a break,but if I am richer..I would probably agree.
I have never take a cent from my mum even though she struck some lottery.
And even gives allowances.
So other than the roof over my head,and sometimes the dinner,I proudly declared that I am on my own.

And so this independence side of me wanna shouts for more.
I kinda dream of being somewhere in a high seating in the corporate world.Being in control of my life and all.
But saying all that..I know I'm far from reaching it.Or never perhaps.

I am too vulnerable inside.I complains and whines too easily.I get depressed and soak easily.
And I know..I never ask for much in life.
Easily content is my way of life.

But..I know..I goes ard bitching and being envious of those who could have do much more at my age.Be it that they are studying,working,setting their own biz,on their own or still living off their parents...I know somewhere I wish I could have done better,if not for some restrictions in my life.Which I find in my case is still money.
Duh.

I find it really ironic and contradicting on how money is always one thing that sets me back but I dun feel that it is my priority in life.
I dun feel and really think that I need money to be happy.
I dun have to that kinda flithy rich to enjoy my life and feels better.
For I know is that some of those riches are some asses need to be kick sometimes.
Indeed that they can go ard touring,easily get the coolest gadgets,the branded clothes,or just do whatever they want..But I also know that without those money,I can easily DO MORE than them.
Think when those wealth are strip off from them,do you think that they can still enjoy their lives and do what they are doing now?
They would probably feel as bad as when my house was gone from the usual HDB flat to ash black nothing that time.
For all I've been through,I know I make not necessary better,but sure a stronger person than them.
Coz I live my life with that limited money,and will be able to do very much more if I have their kinda money.
Do you agree?

Well..maybe not.Coz words are just some medium in making urself better,bolder and justifiable.
You are,and I know I am,definitely not as va va voom(;p) as I am as a blogger here.

Well..while music paints the wall,words are just effects.
Remove all of them?
You are really nothing but a shadow.

I have enough said.
Tml is gonna be really busy.Still got the stupid DnD till wee hours.
I know it's one in that few hundred chances,but I kinda still wish and really wish that I get the camera.
And no worries,I will really just cuss the person who gets it,other than me.
Heh!